Division of Responsibility for Growth
In recent posts, we’ve covered the Division Of Responsibility in Feeding (sDOR), how to establish it, and the mindset, beliefs, and behaviors you need to adopt as parents in order to use it well. Today I’m talking about how you can use the Division of Responsibility for growth. I’ll explain how helpful it can be if you’re struggling to feed children of different shapes and sizes!
Another Way To Look At Size
As a society, we often want to weigh in on children’s sizes.
Unfortunately, parents of a child at the 50th percentile will likely hear fewer comments about their child’s overall size than parents of kids further above or below “average”.
But it’s important to remember that size is just size, and being slightly larger or smaller does not mean that a child is any more or less healthy, or more or less perfect, or more or less a competent eater, than any other child.
And while tracking your child’s growth, size, and height is not a bad thing, what does become harmful is obsessing over whether or not our kids are the “right” size. Remember, there is no “right” size for a child besides the one their bodies naturally grow into when given regular, enjoyable opportunities to eat. The “averages” expressed by growth curves and a cultural coveting of the 50th percentile just refers to mathematical averages-- not any ideal body type. So even though the 50th percentile might be where 50% of children land on the charts, that doesn’t necessarily make it something to aspire to. It simply means that half of kids their age are smaller than this sized child and half of kids their age are larger. That’s it.
Where your child’s size does matter, is as a facet of their growth and development (listen here for more on this). But even then, it’s much more important to compare their current size to their norm, instead of other kids’ norms. This gives you a more appropriate and complete scope of if they are growing and developing properly, as we discuss more about below.
Your Perceptions of Size (And Why It Matters!)
As a parent, you have your own background and experiences with size and weight, and it’s totally possible (and actually, it’s likely) that your perception of size and weight is being carried over into the way you measure and feed your child, for better or for worse.
I’d encourage you to gently and compassionately start to evaluate your own, as well as your spouse’s, belief systems and attitudes towards feeding.
If you’d like some more guidance on this, click here.
An Important Note:
Having a child who is low on the growth curve does not justify pressuring, bribing, or praising them to eat.
Having a child who is higher on the growth curve does not justify restricting or encouraging them to eat less.
If you find yourself falling back on these feeding behaviors, I’d encourage you to please, please, please reconsider your approach. For more information and resources on this topic, check out my posts on Parent Feeding Styles and Parent Feeding Behaviors.
“Having a child who is low on the growth curve does not justify pressuring, bribing, or praising them to eat.
Having a child who is higher on the growth curve does not justify restricting or encouraging them to eat less.”
A Better Way to Look At Growth Curves
If you have concerns about your child’s weight or size, next time your child is being weighed at the pediatrician’s, ask for a copy of their growth curve so that you can review it.
If you feel uncomfortable or uncertain doing this on your own, you can and should ask your pediatrician for help-- just don’t have the conversation in front of your child. Instead, schedule a follow-up call so that you can ask all of the questions you have without your child hearing.
Otherwise, tuck the report in your purse or pocket and bring it home to review, following these steps:
1. Look For Trends.
First, review the curve for trends instead of single data points. It’s normal for those individual points to vary a bit, so trends will more reliably show actual changes in your child’s growth patterns. What we are looking for is for your child’s growth to plot along the same percentile range (i.e. consistently 10-25th %ile, 50-75th %ile, etc.). This is true for weight, height, and weight-for-length (in younger kids) or BMI (for older kids).
2. Look for any plateaus and/or unusual changes in their growth pattern.
Sometimes, a child’s individual data points may throw off their overall growth curve (the pattern of what percentile they fall on/around). This might be due to an inaccurate measurement, as often happens when several facilities use the same electronic growth chart or in cases where sometimes your child is measured with clothes versus without. Other times, it can bring attention to potential other, more valid reasons why your child’s rate of growth has increased or decreased.
3. Consider what else might have been going on for your child at that time of the plateau/change. There are so many things that could contribute. Ask yourself if they were:
Fighting an ongoing illness
Facing an undiagnosed food allergy or medical issue
More or less active than usual
Hitting a growth spurt or starting puberty
Other life stresses that might impact appetite
““[Growth charts] are not a report card or a standardized test of your parenting, where tenth percentile is worse than fiftieth.””
If you see that your child’s growth data points more or less follow their unique growth curve, you can rest assured that what they’re currently eating is meeting their growth needs, even if they aren’t in the 50th percentile! And, you can trust that your child intrinsically knows what, and how much, they need to eat to sustain their own growth. There self-regulation skills, even if they seem “off” to you (as an outsider of their body), are doing their job to promote intake (of food) and output (of activity) appropriately for their growth needs. (Pretty cool, isn’t it?)
If you do notice a bit of a dip or peak in their growth data, that likely just means that something has interrupted their ability to eat the “right” amount for their body.
This can be something biological that causes a change in their growth pattern (as mentioned above when trends change), or it might have to do with caregiver feeding styles and behaviors. Things like pressure, distractions, and anxiety at mealtimes can all interrupt a child’s appetite and alter their interest in food, making it harder for them to know what’s actually “enough” for their bodies due to blurred lines of internal versus external motivations to eat.
If you’ve ruled out biological causes for not eating enough (or eating too much), then I recommend trying the Division of Responsibility approach to feeding! It’ll help you establish a positive feeding environment that fosters food exploration, supports your child’s natural ability to self-regulate, and makes mealtimes less stressful for everyone.
The Division Of Responsibility is for Kids of All Sizes!
sDOR is an incredibly powerful feeding style that gives the child control over if, whether and how much they eat of a meal or snack provided by the parent. It’s based on the research-backed understanding that children can (and will) naturally eat the right foods, in the right amounts, in order to meet their own unique biological needs.
But what if your child is above or below that revered 50th percentile?
Don’t you have to be laser-focused on getting your child to eat more, less, or different foods?
Won’t they overeat, starve themselves, or eat only “junk” food if you don’t intervene?
Good news: the answer to all of these questions is, well, no!
You don’t need to obsess over how much your child eats, even if they are above or below average. (Parents, rejoice!) You can trust your child to decide if, what and whether they eat. In fact, this is the best thing you can do for them, because it teaches them to listen to their own hunger and fullness cues, which is a very important habit that they’ll rely on for life.
In contrast; by not using the Division of Responsibility in feeding, we risk quickly falling into the trap of feeding each child differently, based on their size. Ultimately, this isn’t what you want to be doing (especially if you have multiple kids that are all different sizes!)
Help Them Develop Self-Acceptance and Self-Regulation
Using food parenting approaches like sDOR have long-lasting positive effects on kids. Research has shown that in the long-term, children raised using sDOR grow up to be adults who:
Have better diets
Are more joyful and positive about eating
Are more trusting and capable with themselves and other people
Have the same or lower BMI
Have better physical self-acceptance
Are more active
Sleep better and longer
Have better medical profiles and lab tests
Do better with feeding their children
When we feed our children from a place of confidence and security in their unique God-given body types and their abilities to self-regulate, we equip them with skills that will help them to love their bodies and properly care for themselves at any size, for many years to come.
Division of Responsibility for Growth: FAQs
My child is on the smaller side. Will sDOR work for them?
Yes! If your child’s growth curve shows that they are growing appropriately, even if they’re smaller (around the 10th %ile or less), you can use sDOR with them
In fact, using sDOR will help your smaller child tap into their own, intrinsic control over how much they eat. They’ll start to trust your feeding relationship as being one that’s positive and pressure-free, while also developing appetite regulation to promote eating at routine meals and snacks (over grazing).
Don’t let their small stature hold you back! Embrace their God-given size and go for it!
For more on feeding a child who is smaller on the growth curve, check out this page from the Ellyn Satter Institute, as well as an article I wrote on, The Role of Nutrition on Child Development.
My child is on the larger side. Will sDOR work for them?
Yes! In fact, if you have a larger child, sDOR is something you should implement ASAP. It will help them to experience eating competence and develop confidence in their self-regulation skills, their body shape, and their size.
The biggest limiting factor here is often the parents’ perception of size, and their own underlying insecurities tied to size, weight, and worth. These beliefs are almost always passed on to kids.
If you know that you struggle with insecurity (or you think you might), check out this post to learn how you can begin to unpack and reframe your thinking around feeding. Doing so will benefit your child for years to come!
For more on feeding a child who is larger on the growth curve, visit this page from the Ellyn Satter Institute.
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